100 Funniest Sketches Of All Time (50 – 41)

Past the halfway point in the list of 100 funniest sketches of all time. Today’s batch of ten sketches are all pure gold. Here we go then from 50 – 41

In case you missed it: 

50. Brilliant – The Fast Show

The Fast Show was BRILLIANT. Paul Whitehouse might be one of my favourite comic actors and this silly recurring sketch is a brilliant showcase of his abilities. I always loved the way they pieced these particular sketches together with multiple takes and then stitched them into something almost arty. In a strange way, the rapid fire style of The Fast Show was a real precursor to the shortform content we see everywhere on TikTok and Reels now.

49. Mastermind - The Two Ronnies

The Two Ronnies at their clever, crackling best. This sketch is a great example of what I loved the most about them. It starts with really sharp writing. They have crafted it and shaped it on the page, and I love to imagine them seated together going over every line, perfecting it, tightening up the jokes, sharpening the segues. And then when it comes time to perform it, (which they do really well) it all flows so effortlessly because they put the time in to write it so thoughtfully. For me, this sketch is a hall of fame contender for writing.

48. Jazz Club - The Fast Show

Jazz Club on The Fast Show was the same joke every time, but what a joke. It was GREAT. For me personally it resonated even further. My dad was a big fan of jazz and it was consistently the sound that bounced out of the speakers in our house. It is part of my creative influences almost by osmosis. So, this sketch, while making fun of the pretentiousness of jazz fans and certain musicians, I still see deep affection for jazz in there. 

47. Argument - Monty Python's Flying Circus

I’d like to have an argument please! Probably my favourite Monty Python sketch. So simple and so well done. Michael Palin at his mild mannered best and Cleese & Chapman are snarkingly perfect. For the longest time Cleese was my favourite Python probably because of his physicality and my deep love for Fawlty Towers, but as I get older I relate more and more to the amiable Palin who has a kind of innocence and confusion about him that feels very real. In lesser hands this sketch could easily gone nowhere, but Palin keeps it anchored in something human and that is why I love it so much. 

46. Cake - BrassEye

There are precious few people who deserve the title of genius to be bandied about with their name. But for me, Chris Morris is most certainly in the conversation. BrassEye was Chris Morris at his scathing, sharp best. Building on his cleverly crafted The Day Today, he really pushed his satire of the bombastic television news industry to a new level with this show. I will never forget the first time I saw the Cake segment on the show. It was the first time I can remember seeing a show blur the lines between reality and fiction, and I was amazed at his ability to dupe unsuspecting celebrities and politicians into talking on camera about “a made up drug” and then to cut it together into this preposterous news report – which makes it equal parts jawdropping and hilarious. Sacha Baron Cohen went on to make this type of stuff his trademark, but Chris Morris is one of the master craftsmen who built those foundations with BrassEye. A show that has never been equalled and it had a huge impact on me.

45. Social Class - The Frost Report

This was one that I came across when I was down a deep nerdy sketch comedy rabbit hole on YouTube one night. This is like seeing a supergroup of comedy – John Cleese, Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett – in a sketch written by Marty Feldman (my favourite person in the brilliant Young Frankenstein movie). Visual and verbal comedy at its finest -Sight gags mixed with social satire. I look up to this kind of thing.

44. Soupy Norman - Barry Murphy & Mark Doherty

Soupy Norman by Barry Murphy and Mark Doherty was a thing of genius. They took a Polish soap opera called “First Love” and re-dubbed it with Irish comedians into a coming of age story of a Cork girl moving to Dublin. The choice to make the dialogue a ‘Bad Lip Reading’ style delivery, rather than make any true sense only adds to the silliness and fun of it. Probably the funniest thing to have ever been produced by Irish TV and you can thankfully find all 8 of the episodes on YouTube. It’s definitely one of the things I share the most with others when they ask me about the funniest thing I have seen. True brilliance at work.

43. Borat - Sacha Baron Cohen

Before his global renown, Sacha Baron Cohen had a golden period as the most interesting and edgy comedian around. It was amazing to watch him go out into the world and take real chances with his comedy characters in very real (and sometimes dangerous) situations. His Kazakhstani journalist Borat has worn out his welcome a bit by now, but there was a time when this magnificently awkward, idiotic character was as fresh as anything I had seen. This song is probably my favourite Borat moment. It is him at his best, using comedy to prod society and expose their ignorance, while holding an uncomfortable mirror up to their blinkered beliefs, and still be really really funny.

42. I Said Bitch - Key & Peele

Key & Peele are just excellent at what they do. This sketch is an undeniable little masterpiece. Starting with a super simple idea, they build on it slowly and continue to escalate it to such ridiculous extremes. And it feels properly cinematic in its execution. I think about the time and money it must have cost to put this one sketch together, but they had such belief in the idea and knew it would deliver a bigger impact if they went all in. I love that about it. 

41. Heroin Galore - The Fast Show

The Fast Show was consistently hilarious and sometimes their one-off sketches were funnier than their recurring characters simply because they seemed fresh and unusual. For me, they were often at their best when they did these stylish, note-perfect parodies of BBC programming. I learned after seeing it that it was a take on the famous film Whiskey Galore albeit with a very different cargo. The decision to make it in black & white also really stands out and is the kind of attention to detail I love. 

The sketch countdown continues tomorrow…

100 Funniest Sketches Of All Time (100 – 91)

Creating a definitive list of the greatest sketches of all time is incredibly difficult (and incredibly fun) given the remarkable wealth of great sketches to choose from. As a longtime comedy fan, and as someone who writes and performs sketch comedy, this was a true labour of love. 

In terms of curation, I have tried to cast a wide net and feature sketches & skits from different countries, different voices, different eras and different points of view. In the end this list is ultimately a collection of the sketches that have made me laugh the loudest over the years. It is in no way exhaustive. It isn’t even necessarily in order. But they are all incredibly funny.

Simply put, these are 100 great sketches that you should watch and they will hopefully make you laugh loudly. With a bit of luck you may even discover some that you’ve never encountered before. And if you have suggestions for other great sketches not included on the list, please let me know in the comments. 

Alrighty, without further ado, here are 100 of the funniest sketches of all time, starting with a batch of 10 sketches, and 10 more to follow each day. Enjoy!

100. Are We The Baddies? – Mitchell & Webb

David Mitchell and Robert Webb starred in Peep Show, one of my favourite sitcoms ever, but they also made some of my favourite comedy sketches. Their series “That Mitchell & Webb Look” was consistently one of the funniest shows on tv. This sketch about an angsty existential German soldier is one that never gets old. Rightly so, it’s close to perfect. And if ever there was a modern indicator of the impact of a sketch, it can be found in the memes and GIFs it has spawned

99. Popcorn - The Muppets

The Muppet Show sits in the pantheon of all time greatest shows for me, and their ability to write funny sketches was really second to none. The Swedish Chef was a character that I personally had a love-hate relationship with due to my Swedish identity, but I have grown to love him, and this sketch is classic Muppets in the way it builds and builds, while always retaining its playful childlike heart. Hurdy gurdy laughs without wordys. 

98. Charlie Murphy & Rick James - Chappelle's Show

Chappelle’s Show is arguably one of the most influential sketch comedy shows of all time. Chappelle cooked up multiple brilliant concepts and a long list memorable characters, none more so than his portrayal of Rick James. The brilliantly funny true story by Charlie Murphy is told in such a charming and authentic way. Chappelle then manages to take that source material and elevate it even further with one of my favourite wild over the top performances. Comedy gold bitch!

97. The Hats - Tommy Cooper

Tommy Cooper was introduced to me by my father and I loved him from day one (I loved Tommy Cooper too, but not the same way). To me there was always something wonderful about the contradictions and contrasts in his stage persona. That loud, big presence with a sweet, soft core. A bumbling, clumsy magician who would suddenly turn around and perform a perfect trick. On the face of it, he was a man who delivered simple old school jokes, but his ‘Hats’ routine was the moment where I embraced his genius as a performer. Not only is the performance funny (and increasingly funnier the more frantic it gets), but I also love the authentic way Cooper laughs at himself as he starts to twist himself up in knots in his increasingly manic delivery. It is such a brilliantly rehearsed piece of lunacy that masquerades as a traditional story, and that is always what Tommy Cooper did best. 

96. Invisible Drum Kit - Rowan Atkinson

Rowan Atkinson is a comedy icon to so many in my generation. I’m a huge fan of Blackadder and Mr Bean, and I even enjoy watching the Johnny English films with my kids. This standalone gem of as sketch is a perfect example of Rowan Atkinson’s incredible physical comedy skills, as well as being a genuinely original comedy concept. He makes a potentially pedestrian idea at least 50% funnier with his gurning and physicality. Drum roll please!

95. Matt Foley - Saturday Night Live

the thing I loved the most about Chris Farley was that he always gave his all in every sketch. He left nothing behind and his iconic Matt Foley character from Saturday Night Live is the embodiment of that. It has that broad, mad caricature of a sketch character, with Farley’s trademark physical comedy, and there is just a hint of something slightly melancholy to it too. This sketch is worth watching for David Spade’s reactions, who is unable to hold back the giggles as Farley amps it up throughout the sketch. 

94. America - A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Hugh Laurie has rightly gone on to become a highly respected actor, but for me he will always be the genius who wrote and performed sketches with Stephen Fry in “A Bit of Fry & Laurie”. Most of the comedy on the show was very clever and really respected the intelligence of their audience. But every now and again they would throw in simple basic gags like this one and I loved them for it. I guess it also helped that Hugh Laurie was a gifted musican too, which only lent itself more to the silliness of the song. 

93. The Room Next Door - Michael Spicer

During lockdown I stumbled across a few very funny comedians online. The very best of the bunch was Michael Spicer with his hilarious series “The Room Next Door” where he plays an increasingly frustrated adviser who communicates live via an earpiece with a public figure speaking to camera. Simple but utterly brilliant. Watch them all, there isn’t a bad one in the bunch.

92. Bomb Disposal - The Fast Show

No list of the greatest sketches would be complete without Paul Whitehouse and Charlie Higson’s series The Fast Show. I know it is often dismissed as a simple catchphrase based show, which was true to a point, but it also managed to condense storytelling and jokes into very sharp, short, punchy sketches. One of my favourite recurring characters was the “Anyone fancy a pint?” guy, which felt intrinsically English, and always delivered a funny moment of surprise in a sketch that felt unclear where it was headed (in a show that relied on familiarity with the setup). I have seen this sketch countless times and I still always laugh at the end. 

91. How To Speak Dublin - Foil, Arms & Hog

Foil, Arms & Hog are a brilliant Irish sketch troupe who post fresh sketches regularly on their YouTube channel (I also love their quarantine maths class sketch). I was lucky enough to see them up close when they performed at one of my Brownbread Mixtape shows and their chemistry was terrific even then. There is a lovely simplicity to the concept of this sketch (a language school where you learn to speak like a Dubliner) and it is delivered with such sharpness. It’s also great to see Irish comedy stalwart Paul Tylak make an appearance too. His sketches on Nighthawks on Network 2 back in the day were a massive influence on me.

The sketch countdown continues…
 100 Funniest Sketches of All Time: #90 – # 81


Midnight Miracle – Required Listening

I have been listening to The Midnight Miracle podcast and I cannot recommend it enough. Some of the smartest, coolest, creatives in the world talk about music, politics, and a whole lot more – all mixed together with amazing musical interludes. No surprise that they are going to release these podcast broadcasts on vinyl soon – they are little self-contained gems. I got a subscription to Luminary just for these and it’s 100% worth it (as it happens I have also found a bunch of other fascinating podcasts on there incl. Trevor Noah and Russell Brand). If you are even a tiny bit of a fan of the mighty Dave Chapelle, Yasiin Bey (mos def) or Talib Kweli, this is an absolute must listen. Next level learning for aspiring creative people

Welcome to the Internet

Bo Burnham’s Inside is still resonating deeply. His creative mind is at the peak of its powers. And it is such a brilliant snapshot of the digitally connected world we live in, as well as being a profoundly thoughtful exploration of the pandemic and our place in it. This song is a superb standalone slice of genius, and also a great calling card for Bo Burnham’s mighty mix of humour and musical mastery. I have to admit I pegged him completely wrong and assumed (incorrectly) that he was not for me. After seeing this I will watch anything he makes. If it wasn’t obvious already. I urge you to watch it . It is pure creativity and simultaneously it is a study of the creative process. So much more than meets the eye.

Inside by Bo Burnham is a masterpiece

I watched Inside by Bo Burnham on Netflix last night. It was like nothing I have ever seen and I was utterly blown away by it. It’s listed as a comedy special but that doesn’t come close to describing it. It’s a meditation on life during the pandemic, it’s about creativity and the creative process, it’s about mental health, it’s about the digital world we live in, and ultimately it is a really beautiful, clever film. It is time very well spent in the company of a unique mind. Give it a watch, I’m going to watch it again.

Fleabag – A modern masterpiece

I know I’m extremely late to the party but I just blazed through both seasons of Fleabag. Don’t know how I missed it. I just can’t get over how truly incredible and original it is. Brilliantly creative liberties taken and whipsmart in it’s execution. Oh how I wish I could have seen the original theatrical production this show evolved from. Phoebe Waller Bridge is such a wildly brilliant writer and note perfect performer. And what a terrific cast across the board, with special effusive praise for Olivia Colman and Andrew Scott (I don’t think I’ve ever seen either of them put in a bad performance in anything). Probably preaching to the choir here, but if you were foolish enough to miss it like me, then don’t delay and watch it. I can’t say enough good things about it. It’s a work of genius.

HOZIER, FATHER TED AND ME

Many moons ago, when I was gigging more frequently and reciting poems and performing sketches, I was lucky enough to be part of a regular night called the Monthly General Meeting, which was a showcase for the most inventive and willdy wonderful creative minds in Ireland. On one of the particular shows, I was on the bill with soon-to-be global musical phenomenon Hozier, as well as Arthur Mathews, the co-writer of Father Ted (possibly the greatest sitcom ever). I recall the gig itself was in the unusual and interesting surroundings of a newly refurbished Georgian building in Merrion Square (it has since become an office building of some sort) For a while Shane (Diet of Worms) and Nial (delorentos) who ran the night, produced a terrific series of podcasts entitled The Weekly General Meeting focused on creativity, and I featured on the debut episode. Take a listen to the episode and I urge you to listen to the entire back catalogue, every one of them a snapshot of a golden age in Irish creativity, amiably hosted and curated by two great artists.

Listen to the episode here

All Together Now festival

If any of you Ireland-based folks are heading to the All Together Now festival this weekend, I will be hosting an incredible Brownbread Mixtape show on the Sunday with some of the finest spoken word artists in the world (Jasmine Gardosi and Erin Fornoff), as well as performing some classic radio-style comedy skecthes with our resident troupe The Brownbread Players. There will be plenty of singalongs, silly stories and a rousing rendition of My Blood is Boiling for Ireland too. It would be great to see some warm, friendly faces at the show. Pop by and say hello, and stick around for some of the other LEGENDS onstage at the event throughout the weekend!

The Far Side

I have been reading The Far Side cartoons with my kids over the past few months and I have been pleasantly reminded of how truly brilliant, concise and hilarious they are. 

In many ways they are the perfect little cartoon haiku. There is so much densely packed into each frame, and that constraint leads to so much creativity from Gary Larson. Some of my favourites are the ones where we are at the tipping point into a moment of action – and the comic promise is so rich. Equally the moments in the aftermath of something have such a bubbly fun energy to them. Of course, one of the things I adore is his fascination with the animal kingdom, and in equal parts his dismay at the sheer stupidity of humans. He truly could see the world from a different point of view.

I now realise what a huge influence they have been on my own comedy writing. The sheer silliness of them, coupled with the lean, clever way he cuts to the core of the comedy is such a delight. A true comic master.

It’s an almost impossible task to pick out favourites, but the one above is the one that started me on my journey through his collected works (and the continued journey through them with my children)

Any favourites of yours that spring to mind?

A series of letters to major drinks manufacturers where I unsuccessfully seek sponsorship for poetry



For almost a decade I have curated and hosted The Brownbread Mixtape, a themed variety show that showcases the best in music, spoken word poetry, and sketch comedy. One of the many shows was centred around the the theme of “drinking”. So, in the spirit of mischievousness (and to generate comedy material for the purposes of hosting the show) I fired off a series of letters to the makers of a variety of alcoholic beverages seeking sponsorship for myself and/or The Brownbread Mixtape. Below are the speculative and outlandishly stupid letters that I actually sent to the various companies in question. While the letters were ultimately absurd and silly in tone, at the heart of them lies perhaps a serious point about the lack of funding for many sectors of the arts. Only one of the companies ever came back with a response – Bulmers cider – and they seemed to get it was a joke, thanking me for the opportunity but gracefully declining. I am a Bulmers drinker for life as a result. Guinness sent back a generic response saying they would delete my email immediately as they cannot receive pitches for commercials, as they presumably could get sued for stealing ideas. None of the others ever responded, yet I still hold out hope like a drunken Friday night reveler. I hope that you enjoy reading them and take them in the silly spirit(s) they were written!

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#1 Devil’s Bit Cider

Dear Devil’s Bit

How’s things?

I am writing to you first and foremost as a big fan of your cider. It’s gorgeous.

Secondly I am writing to you as curator of a popular Dublin gig called “the brownbread mixtape” and as an award-winning performance poet with a small, dedicated following. In other words, I am a minor celebrity who has been described as quite good looking with a good foothold in “the scene”

Right, lets get down to business. There’s no way of saying this without sounding insensitive, so I’m just going to put it out there unfiltered. Your cider has a bit of a reputation for being drunk by pissheads and wasters. More people have your cider for breakfast than dinner basically.

So, I’ll cut to the chase. I am looking for sponsorship to further my artistic career and in return I am offering you the opportunity to leverage my skills and celebrity status to up your profile in a new segment of the cider consumption market. The arts. I would have no ethical or moral issues with this because your cider is delicious and I am not one of those “I am in it for the art” kind of whingers.

I have loads of ideas on how we could make this sponsorship work but here is one, just off the top of my head. You’ve probably seen Bulmers laughable new ads with celebrity economist David McWilliams. Now, I am a personal friend of the younger, cooler celebrity economist Ronan Lyons and I am sure I could convince him to be a part of a more edgy ad campaign for Devil’s Bit. We could poke fun at those pricks at Bulmers whilst maybe throwing in a few sound financial predictions while we’re at it. I would leave that part up to Ronan.

I would love to work with you to develop an advertising campaign and sign a pact with Devil’s Bit. Failing that, I would love some complimentary bottles of cider.

cheers
Kalle

[Note: The economist Ronan Lyons was even kind enough to share the original link to the letters on his Twitter account, so this still has the potential to happen. Come on Devil’s Bit, do the right thing]

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#2 Buckfast Tonic Wine

Dear Buckfast brothers,

I know that you are an order of Benedictine monks so I will try to keep this email quiet.

My name is Brother K and I come from a secret order of Irish monks called “Ar Meisce”. Every month we have a service and gathering in the ancient, sacred chapel upstairs in the “Head of the Stag temple” in Dublin city.  As we have fallen on hard times and you seem to be thriving, thanks in no small part to an abundance of students, hipsters and rip-roaring alcoholics who chug your wine like the apocalypse is coming, we are approaching you to be our financial benefactors and patrons for the remainder of our days. We are looking for 10 grand per month to maintain our current standard of praying and serving the Lord.

While we cannot force you to do this, we can only say that it would be what Christ would have done. And failure to do so will most likely condemn you to eternal damnation or some such variation on that theme.

God bless you brothers and may your wine always be fortified

Brother K

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# 3 Cristal Champagne

Dear Cristal,

Yes yes y’all. / Sippin Cristal , you can call me Kal. /
In Dublin 4 they call for more / Pints of Heino, then champers / SCORE! //
The bubbles are nice, the bubbles are nice / The Cristal bubbles at a nice nice price.

This is Kalle Ryan the poet and that is a little sample of some sweet new lyrics I am working on for my upcoming crossover into the hip-hop world. I will go by MC Kalle Greenz . At present I am a Z-grade celebrity in Ireland who performs poetry and hosts a savage night called the brownbread mixtape.

Now, I know you had a strong market share amongst rappers and hip-hop artists because of Jay Z and other cool motherfuckers. I also know that your CEO made some ignorant racist remarks in an interview with The Economist in 2006 which led to a big drop off in your hip-hop purchasing demographic. But I am here today to bring that fizz back to your bubbly sales with a new hip-hop audience. In exchange for a 7 figure sponsorship sum from you, I will drink as much Cristal as is humanly possible. I will even do this at public events such as The Brownbread Mixtape, where we will serve Cristal at every table (you will pick up the tab for this as a separate charge).

I will then write, direct, edit and produce viral videos for Cristal with my posse  of trained actors and writers, The Brownbread Players, which includes some serious  ballers and hustlers. Their CV reads like a “Best of Irish TV and Film” like Ros na Run, Meteor ads, eMobile, Sky TV, Kilkenny Arts Festival and the voice of directory inquiries. I have a few ideas for the viral video but I won’t pop my creative cork here just yet.

Look, you’re busy people, I’m a busy person. Let’s not yank each others’ chain here. Give me an answer in 24 hours if this is your bag. If not I will sell my lyrical credentials to Courvoisier or some other brand that has a tangential association with the hip hop lifestyle

Maximum respek

MC Kalle Greenz

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#4 Smirnoff Ice

Dear Smirnoff Ice,

This may shock you but your drink is manky. I remember one night I spilt some on the ground and I thought, “the poor ground”. But look, I have an idea that might give you some credibility and make you be the drink choice of people other than gobshites.

How would you feel about sponsoring a bunch of layabout actors, comedians, musicians and arty types? Doesn’t sound that appealing, does it? What if I told you that those people are in fact the wildly talented components in the brownbread mixtape, a monthly indie gig sensation in Dublin city. Between the live show and our award winning web presence you would have literally a hundred people who could be duped into drinking your sugary boozy gargle. Give it some thought. Considering you have a ridiculous amount of money for publicity and marketing, why not shower some of it on this idea?

Get in touch if you’re serious about not being the laughing stock of the drinks fridge

cheers
Kalle

P.S. I’ve seen your vociferous denials about the whole “getting iced” phenomenon but you’re not fooling anyone. Everyone knows you’re behind it. You’re some chancers!

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#5 Jose Cuervo Tequila

Dear Jose,

You know and I know that no one has ever come away from a night drinking your Tequila saying: “That was such a mellow uneventful night full of pacifism and I really feel amazing today”

So, here’s a radical idea. Give me money to run a cool arts night in Dublin where your brand would be prominently featured and in return I will cut out the middle man and pour  bottles of your tequila all over the bathroom floor and along the streets of Rathmines and near the Bernard Shaw pub.

Basically, we will also plug the hell out of your tequila and pretend that it isn’t a foul concoction.

I know what you’re thinking. This guy is crazy. But I might just be brilliant.

Try me

Kalle

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#6 Guinness

Dear Guinness,

I am writing to inform you of an amazing opportunity that awaits you… in this very letter.

Can you guess what it is?

Yep, you’re absolutely right, I have an idea for an ad for you.

I am a published poet, so feel free to heighten your expectations at this early stage in our correspondence

Picture it, black & white footage of three barmen, moustaches, white shirts, black slacks, black ties, nice leather shoes. Not slip ons. All of them walking down Exchequer street  in slo-mo. Each of them kicking an empty keg that’s rolling in front of them. In turn each one shouts “Bring out your dead!” As they pass pubs they’re joined by more barmen, similarly dressed, each one joining the parade and kicking an empty keg of their own until it becomes a parade of them up O’Connell street. Their backs suddenly and unexpectedly catch fire. The flames are deep orange and reds but the rest of the scene is in black & white. Cut to a pint of Guinness settling in a graveyard. It suddenly catches fire.

Caption: Guinness. It’s deadly.

All of this is beautifully scored by a song by Elder Roche. He is a deadly Dublin musician with a great hat and excellent songwriting skills. Plus I need to include him in this because we kinda came up with the idea together one night after a few scoops in the Stag’s Head. Although if we decide to shaft him we could maybe get a Massive Attack song instead. I love their stuff and anything in slow-mo looks deadly when you have a Massive Attack tune pumping over it. In fact, screw Elder, lets go with that.

If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, then I am happy to sit down with you to discuss the possibility of me selling out completely as a poet and accepting sponsorship from you. I have been supporting you for years now, so I would be only delighted to receive your patronage. And cash.

cheers
Kalle Ryan

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#7 Bulmers Cider

Dear Bulmers

How’s it going? My name is Kalle Ryan. Remember that name, it will become increasingly important as this letter goes on.

Ok, first things first. I love cider. Correction, I love your cider. Clonmel chardonnay we call it.

Second thing. I understand the whole Bulmers / Magners distinction. A few folks I know are still confused by it but they’re idiots, I totally get it. It’s historical and political, like everything in this country.

Ok third thing. I am a poet. Look me up on YouTube for cool samples of my undoubted talent. I have been a bit of an anti-establishment type of writer up until now and all about doing things for the love of it and for art’s sake. But I am basically sick of it. There’s no money in it and let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger.

So, this leads me to my proposition. I, Kalle Ryan, am offering you a once in a lifetime opportunity to partner up with me to be the first ever officially sponsored Irish poet. Loads of poets and writers and other layabouts have drank silly amounts of cider during their life. But how many of them were actually sponsored to drink that cider or write their poems? None of them, that’s how many.

Picture it now. Bulmers presents: Kalle Ryan. How cool does that sound? I’ll tell you. Very cool, that’s how cool. Provided you threw in a bit of extra wedge I would even be willing to change my name to ‘Bulmers presents Kalle Ryan’ and happily wear Bulmers t-shirts, caps and that kind of promotional tat all of the time.

Look I know you have McWilliams doing your ads at the moment, but let me give you some financial advice, he is a prat, a waste of money and people aren’t buying more cider because of him. I can do poems about cider and we can have people dancing in outrageous attire. In an orchard if you like. That’s the kind of shit people who drink cider absolutely love.

Give it some thought and let me know.

yours sincerely
Bulmers presents Kalle Ryan

P.S. Is it true that you relaunched the Pear cider because the first version gave people the scutters?